can i be a MACHINE?
because this is one way to be less hungry; how else could i bear it?
I hold my hands out

i feel a constant need to be excused

can i learn how to apologize in a real way and not as a kind of begging to feel less naked ? i am holding my hands out i beg that my hunger be less particular, but i cannot again become someone who has not tasted a particular luxury, This is why i was afraid of be coming spoiled, you know, this is why i looked at EVERYTHING I WANTEDATTACHMENTHAPPINESSAMBITION in the face as one stares down the barrel of a gun i don't know what you are so that is not what scares me, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
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What scares me is how quickly I make a home inside a stranger's house. someplace familiar i have never been, like i have learned nothing

I am in The Chinese Room holding out my hands,

I am trying to be legible for someone I cannot see, and who cannot see me.

i am holding out my arms. i am heavy with emptiness

you would not ask me to be sorry but i am

i built a family and i fell before them i know they do not want this for me but i do not know how to ask. i do not know how to let them witness my wanting. on my knees i turn away and i hold out my hands where they cannot see.

shm 2026